Holy hell. Where do I even begin? Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), I've been single for the majority of my adult life. Yes I've had relationships, I've loved, been at the receiving end of heartbreak, dealt out some break of my own and experienced the heinousness that is online dating. For all the unnatural computer created encounters and profiles that are out there, the one positive that it has brought me is that I've learned a whole hell of a lot about myself and what I want and don't want.
Finding what I want, on the other hand...turns out to be harder than nailing jello to a tree.
Are my standards too high? Too low? Am I unrealistic? Do I over-analyze everything (yes, this one I know to be true). But, do I deserve better than my past decisions? Yes. Am I willing to put my heart and mind through countless ridiculous dinners and drinks and conversations that make my skin crawl and my mind want to scream..."Dude, I now see why you're single!!"? Yes...fortunately. See, my view-point on dating along with many other things in life is this: You don't know until you try. How do I know that I don't want a man in my life who takes me shoe shopping, for him, on the first date? I know this because I've been there. Not only do I hate shopping...I hate wearing shoes all together. This guy really listened and took the time to get to know me. How do I know that honesty, whether in the written word on an online profile or in life, is paramount in my life? One phone conversation...guy listed salary as upwards of $70,000 (ok, good for him), in phone conversation..."I have no car and I have to sell movies to get some cash, but let's go out"...Um. Put unemployed, guy. Don't lie. It takes more time to be fake and create some alter ego than it does to answer honestly...this applies to nearly everything in life.
Online dating is like being at a bar in college, at happy hour. Everyone is there, they all look their best and they're all there for one thing...or so you think. Picking through the crazies to find the diamond in the rough turns out to be the toughest part about it. I really believe in love. I believe in marriage, commitment, family, kids and I believe in monogamy. Maybe it's because I have awesome examples in my own life. Maybe I'm looking for perfection. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic and have watched Pride & Prejudice way too many times.
The thing is, we all just get this one chance. One lifetime. How can you commit to a single person for the rest of that lifetime, if they don't fit perfectly? Whether you're opposites or you're a mirror of likes and dislikes, whether they are 7 feet tall and dark as night or 4'5 and albino...how can you settle before you know it to be true? When do you know? Do you "tough it out" with someone who you think has such great potential, because you believe in them? People don't change unless they want to. Do you stay with someone because you're afraid to be alone? In my opinion...hellllllll no. Fear is such a great motivator. It seems to rear its ugly head time and time again in my adult life. It's ironic since the last tattoo I branded my body with states "Sine Metu", yet is it fear that has held me back from committing or am I that right in my heart, trusting my instincts that have lead me down this path? I truly would love to stumble upon that "right" person...the other half to spend my life with traveling the world, building a family, exploring and learning together...but first, time to log-off.
